Righteous Violence (Bullying)

There's been a lot of discussion in the media in the past few months on the topic of bullies and bullying. Stories abound of teens who commit suicide because of bullying. It seems that the topic of bullying whether through physical abuse, verbal abuse, or through electronic media (texting, email, facebook) its as if the American psyche is wondering "how did we go so wrong? why are our children doing this to each other?". The fact that teens/ children (and adults) are often very cruel to each other should not come as a shock to parents. Look around you'll see that depravity unfortunately seems to be a human condition that we sometimes just can't shake out of our gene pool. Whether you approach the topic from an ecclesiastical point of view or a humanist point of view it doesn't matter that the fact that this has been going on for a very long time is evident. 


I don't claim to be an expert on childhood bullying. But having been bullied through much of adolescence and having former bullies apologize to me later in life - i think have a unique first person perspective on the issue. I can say that often we teach our children the absolute wrong things to do and that carries repercussions into life that are much more far reaching and devastating. On of those damaging piece of advice that I received was "fighting doesn't solve anything" or "just walk away". 

I beg to differ. 


In my last post on How To Survive a Massacre, Pt. 2 I mentioned noted author and psychologist on human aggression, Lt. Col Dave Grossman who during his speaking topic on "The Bulletproof Mind" he said that at the Virginia Tech Massacre, several students were found sitting in their seats dead from a single bullet wound to their head. That means that they sat and waited knowing the killer was executing people 1 by 1.

Why weren't they trying to fight back or at least hide? Grossman says we are teaching our children the absolute wrong things to do. "Don't fight on the playground Johnny" is what they have heard day in and day out. But are we seriously going to tell our teenage sons and daughters (and adult children) "don't fight back against murders and rapists!" NO OF COURSE NOT. But then why are we are teaching a double message?


According to Grossman, and I agree wholeheartedly; we must be teaching our children that the judicious use of righteous violence is not only acceptable but it is honored within society. So how do we teach judicious use of violence. I like Ron Lauinger's  3 Rules for dealing with bullies:

1. Tell the bully to stop, if he/she doesn't stop then
2. Tell the teacher, if the teacher doesn't stop it then;
3. Fight back

While, I can't be certain that fighting back always works its often the response that the bully wasn't planning for. Life changed for me when a bully in high school knocked my lunch tray out of my hands and on to the floor. Instead of just trying to salvage the moment and going on with life, I reacted, I punched him square in the face. The lunchroom teacher grabbed my arm and jerked me around asking "why I did that?" My reply was "he knocked my lunch out of my hands what am I supposed to eat now?". Its interesting that I didn't get a detention or an expulsion. 

The other interesting part about that was I wasn't bullied again. Righteous justice. 


Will that work in the school system nowadays? I don't know. With all the zero-tolerance behavior support modification (BTW how is that working?) its tough for a child to even remotely respond. And then issues of cyber-bullying which often don't include physical assault require a different tact.

But ask yourself what is the more important life lesson to teach your child? don't fight back, be a victim the rest of your life? Or if you do fight back and it is judicious we will stand up with you and go to bat for you?  I have chosen the latter with my children.


Its a rough world out there.


Stay Safe!

How to Survive a Massacre Part 2

How to Survive a Massacre Part 2

In part 1 we discussed the difference between cover, concealment, distance, and using 'dead space' to hide us from the killer or his/ her line of sight/ weapons fire. We could consider this as Getting Out and Hiding Out.

Now lets talk about what to do if we can't find cover, concealment, or dead space. You might think of this as Lock Out, Call Out, and Fight Out. If your thinking to yourself "hey there's a lot of 'outs' here" well your definitely ahead of the game. What we are doing is what is called the Out Drill. I can't really take credit for it. The guy who developed this is Lt. Col. Dave Grossman, PhD who is bar none one of the experts on violence in society.

Lock Out: Its pretty simple since you can't get out. You put enough barricade between you and the Killer. If that means that you can lock doors great! Sometimes though doors don't lock so you have to be creative. That means you move things in front of the door to make a barricade. If its in a school you use desks, chairs, blackboards. Everything and anything you can find to barricade the entrance. I also heard about a scenario where someone let loose lions, rhinos, and tigers in a zoo and people were being mauled. Guess what some of the survivors did? thats right they piled into the restrooms (since they were made of block) and barricaded the doors with everything they could find. Which meant taking the doors off the stalls and wedging them between the door handle and the floor. In these situations you use whatever you can to save your life. Now is not the time to be concerned with property damage. Something else that works really well is a door stop. Rubber and wooden wedges used to hold doors open can also be used to hold doors shut.

Call Out: In Fight Like A Girl you'll hear us say things like "you have to stop the killing". The best way to do that is to get help. Never assume that someone else is calling for help. When people are taught CPR they are specifically instructed to point to someone and say "you go call 911 and report back when you have done so". In a high stress situation people do not always think straight or function well. Therefore you may have to become direct, even verbally aggressive with someone to get help "YOU CALL 911 ON YOUR CELL PHONE " (yes I am shouting) "TELL THEM THAT YOU ARE AT___________AND SOME GUY IS SHOOTING PEOPLE WITH A (rifle or pistol, if you don't know just say rifle)". Why rifle vs. pistol? Because someone with a rifle is a much greater threat than a pistol and it will bring a lot more firepower to bear on the S.O.B. So what happens if you can't call, maybe you don't have a cellphone or can't get to it? How about one of these things:

No it won't bring the SWAT Team, but it will bring the 'Combat Engineers'. Several angry guys with axes, fire hoses and ladders. They can make openings in walls and get people out. They can fight the shooter with high pressure water cannons, and they can put the guys with guns onto the roof or into second story windows. And where there is fire there will also likely be police cars. That is people with guns who will find and kill the killer.

So now that we are talking about killing the killer, our last way to survive a massacre is to do the unexpected and that is Fight Back or Fight it Out. For whatever reason you are in a situation where you cannot Hide Out, Get out, Lock Out, Call Out and imminent death is upon you. You must fight it out. There are countless stories where 2 or 3 people have tackled a killer and subdued him. But how do you fight? Ideally with a weapon, if your in the office, throw anything that is big or solid (trashcans, staplers, weighted tape dispenser, chairs, 3 hole punch, etc.). Throw these at his head. If you must close with him either try to knock him/her down or use a pen, pencil, letter opener, and anything that you can direct a good amount force with (sharp or blunt doesn't matter - actually blunt objects that impale hurt more) and keep striking the person in the face and eyes. Don't stop! Even if you are shot never stop. Nobody ever died of a broken bone, keep fighting or retreating. Tell yourself, I am not going to die here! I will live to a ripe old age! Mindset is everything.

Your probably thinking. Brian you are crazy. Yes. But that's beside the point.In today's schools they are now teaching students to do this very thing. The training is called ALiCE and it teaches kids these very same principles. But why stop in schools? Even if your workplace isn't forward thinking you should be! Look around, consider your escape routes, where can you go to Lock Out, what can you use for cover or concealment, lastly what can you use to fight it out? Personal safety isn't just a right, its a responsibility. use it.

Stay Safe!